I should be able to help. I should do more. I should read with him more. I should help him with his math more. I should be more patient. I should help him like I help my struggling learners in school. The truth is, I'm tired. Dog-tired. By the time I leave school it's usually 4:30, 5:00. I fight the traffic and half hour commute home to then pick him up at extended day and make dinner. We all do it. We're all exhausted, right? By the time 6PM rolls around I can't bear to do any more guided reading, timed fluency drills, addition with regrouping and counting coins. But I do it. Probably not as well as I do during the day. I'm definitely not as patient as he yells and cries that it's too hard. My third grade son is academically, a first grader. I should be able to help but I can't.
Tyler receives support for reading, support for math and OT. He spends more time out of the classroom that he does in. When I go to a parent conference I don't just sit with the teacher. I sit with a panel of about 7 other teachers. I wonder what they think of me. That I'm failing? That I'm failing as a Mom and a teacher because Tyler struggles so much. Since I am divorced, I take on the doctors, neuropsychologists, behavioral optometrists and psychologists myself. I make sure Tyler has his medication for his diagnosed ADHD, every day because I'll get an email from the teacher for sure if he hasn't had it that day. Should I tell her it's because I forgot. I was running out the door after asking him at least 7 times to get his backpack and then he asked "What was I supposed to do again?"
Sometimes, well...most of the time... I wonder if I forsake myself as a mother to be a better teacher. It's my own child who gets the short end of the stick, I feel. At the end of the day I feel tired and then I feel guilty for being tired. It's a sick cycle, really.
I wonder how many other mothers who are also teachers feel the same way? I know I'm a better teacher because I'm a Mom. But am I better Mom because I'm a teacher? I hope someday I'll have a good answer for that.
Hi. I totally understand. My daughter - who is now 25 - had a significant learning disability, and it was not easy. I ended up hiring a tutor because it made it easier for her, and then I could just be the Mom and not the teacher. Your son is still young so he is probably more accepting of you helping him, but then you've been teaching all day, too. You're in a tough spot - good luck.
ReplyDeleteSusan, thanks so much for your thoughts and for sharing your story. How is your daughter doing now? I often worry about what the future holds. That is, when I'm not worrying about what we're facing now.
DeleteJulie, There is no guilt like a mother's guilt. You are a fabulous mom. Keep up the good work friend.
ReplyDeleteLove, Amy
Thanks so much, my dear friend. Love you!
DeleteHi Julie, I have also been teaching first grade for 17 years and you would think it would get easier and we wouldn't have to stay until 5, right? I always feel mega mom guilt, too, that my kids are at school for so long in Before Care and After Care. And yes, when we get home, I'm done. Exhausted. Burnt out. My middle schooler comes home before me and gets all her homework done, and I always think, What would I do if she weren't able to do that herself? What if she needed help or more prodding or more checking in? And because she doesn't, I still feel guilty and disconnected from her schoolwork. You're a great mom, and because of your job, you are probably able to better recognize your son's needs and keep up with them (even when you feel like you aren't). As teachers, we are very good at telling parents what they can do to help their kids, but as parents, we know that doing every single thing every single day just isn't feasible. Please try not to beat yourself up. Teaching and parenting are both difficult and exhausting, and we do the best we can. Your son is in excellent hands BECAUSE you do your best.
ReplyDeleteLindsey
Forever First Grade
Lindsey, you are so sweet. I can't even begin to tell you how much your find words mean.
DeleteWow. This post is so close to home. I don't have children myself but my little brother is 10 years younger than me. Cole had cancer when he was born and was recently diagnosed with Central Auditory Processing Disorder. My parents have struggled with him because he is always the one who is "disrupting class" or the "class clown". My older sister and I both were in the top of our class and never had any behavior problems. Teachers have compared Cole to us and judged my parents for "letting him slip". Why are educators so quick to compare siblings and other students? Clearly you are a good mommy and you do what you can. He will grow, he will learn, he will be a fine young man.
ReplyDeleteCassie
Funky in Fourth
Cassie, thanks so much. You are so sweet. Your thoughts really do help.
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